


I didn't ask to be a Princess!

by StarryMochi



Category: The Legend of Zelda & Related Fandoms
Genre: Alternate Universe, Comedy, Family, Fantasy, Illustrations, Inspired by Novel, reborn into another world
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-04-24
Updated: 2019-08-31
Packaged: 2020-01-25 19:43:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 9,715
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18581317
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/StarryMochi/pseuds/StarryMochi
Summary: There were a lot of things I could take in stride: Being murdered? Sure. Waking up to find I'd been reincarnated and could remember my past life? Awesome! However, I draw the line at being reborn into a trashy Legend of Zelda fanfiction as a character who's destined to die just to be character development fodder![Alternate Universe inspired by "Who made me a Princess?" on tappy toons]





	1. I didn't ask to be a Princess!

**Author's Note:**

> This fic is an au crossover fic! It's very much inspired by "Who made me a Princess?" on Tappytoon. I intend to take it in a mostly different direction, but I loved a lot of the tropes so I borrowed some of them. I do recommend you go give the original comic a read though, it's hysterical!
> 
> The MC isn't a self insert and isn't me throwing salt at everyone, but she does lampshade a lot of stuff. She's meant to be very much a person who is invested enough to discourse about LoZ on social media.
> 
> There was no specific reason for the illustrations. I just thought it'd be a good way to get some practice and push me out of my comfort zone a little bit. I can't guarantee every chapter will have illustrations, but goal is to have between 1 and 3 per chapter if it isn't too overwhelming for me!
> 
> I also might change the name of the fic at a later point if it just seems too close to the original work. While it was inspired something I don't want it to come off like I'm ripping off something. ^^; I just couldn't think of a better name and since this is a light hearted comedy something too enigmatic just wouldn't fit.

My eyes flutter open and I am greeted with an unfamiliar high ceiling. I can make out the distant etchings of a battle in the distant past. What had the maids called it again? The Sealing War…? Meh, some dusty old markings in a ramshackle palace are the least of my worries right now.

 

[ ](https://www.flickr.com/photos/163424191@N04/33810348538/in/album-72157680047044048/)

 

Slowly, I outstretch my hands and see tiny, unfamiliar brown hands come into view. No matter how many times I try to even sit up, a newborn’s muscle control isn’t very good. I can’t help but let out a frustrated coo. I really don’t know how things ended up like this and why I’m not… you know… happier. After all, aren’t I living every weeaboo’s dream? I died in some freak accident and was reborn as the Princess to a magical, fantasy world with the memories of my past life intact. Unfortunately, I didn’t actually die in a freak accident, I was murdered, and as far as I can tell from the ramshackle nature of the palace I’m currently staying in, I’m an heir to a throne of nothing. _Probably._

It’s the tale of a million, uninspired fantasy novels. However, in practice…. It’s less glamorous. Most of those types of stories don’t go into the details of having to relieve being a baby in gruesome fucking detail. It’s so uncomfortable. I can barely move, and I soil myself every three hours. At least in my last life, the details of my childhood are hazy at best because normal people don’t have really solid memories until they're two or three.

And yet here I am. A baby. With the mind of an adult. **_Kill me._** Actually, don’t. I’ve already died once. I don't want to relive that experience for another 70 or 80 years. 

I let out another disgruntled coo. I’ve taken to talking to myself a lot since no one can understand me. I guess I should just be grateful that the language used in this world is similar to the language I used in my past life. I don’t have any trouble listening in on their conversations. It’s pretty much the only thing I have to do in this dump of a palace.

 _Now, let’s go over what I do know,_ I think to myself, trying to frown or look thoughtful in any way and failing in miserably. Curse these not yet developed motor skills! _My name is Eldiana and I am… the only daughter to the King of this land. My mother was a dancer from a foreign land but was used and then abandoned by the King. She got pregnant and died in childbirth leaving me behind._

No matter how I look at it, I feel like I am now living the life of a cheesy, d-list manga. Although, I have yet to see who this infamous “King” that is my father. I guess I’m a protagonist meant to have daddy issues., I suppose in comparison to my last life this is a whole lot better. I was estranged from my family in my previous life so they probably aren’t shedding any tears over the fact that I was murdered. It’s hard to develop daddy-issues when you really don’t have any idea what you're missing out on. Of course, some would argue that that’s a daddy issue in and of itself.

I let out another disgruntled sigh. I might as well practice rolling over for a while. The sooner I can develop these motor skills, the quicker I can get out of this crib.

I do my best to try and turn myself over for a while and make little progress. I’m more or less just stuck half-heartedly doing sit-ups without actually being able to sit up on my own yet. I keep at it, but my mind begins to wander as the questions begin to pile up.

How did I get like this? Why can I remember who I am? What kind of country is this? What kind of person is my dad? Will I be able to do magic? Am I going to just die again in some kind of weird fire magic related accident?

The more I try to figure it out the more tired I feel. My body feels heavy. The unfortunate part about being a baby is I spend most of my time eating, sleeping, or pooping. When I was working 9 to 5 at the local 7/11, this would have been a dream, but now that I’m living it… It’s kind of boring.

I guess there’s nothing to do about my situation now. I shrug off any worry as my consciousness becomes hazy. There’s no use figuring it all out when you can’t even sit up properly. If I’m to do anything about this, it can wait until I’m older-- _if_ I survive infancy. My eyelids slowly close and I feel darkness overtake me.

However, my dreams take me to an unexpected place. A distant insignificant memory that was pushed to the back of my mind.

_Eldiana looked at her father, her eyes welling with despair, “So you just intend to throw me to the wolves, father?” A shaky voice tumbled out of her. The betrayal was clear, and yet Eldiana refused to believe that her father would cast her aside so easily. Were they not blood? Did she not have the same golden eyes as he?_

_She had tried so hard for so long to be a beauty of elegant grace worthy of his love, and yet as he stared down at her with contempt something in her finally snapped._

_“What will it take for you to love me like you love Zelda? I am your daughter too, Father! I have been with you longer! What must I do for you to cherish me as you cherish her?!” Eldiana’s voice had become unexpectedly loud as she feels the full weight of her father’s betrayal fully sink in._

 

  
[ ](https://www.flickr.com/photos/163424191@N04/33810349368/in/album-72157680047044048/)  


_“You fool,” Her father murmured out. His voice was colder than the peaks of Mount Hylia in the middle of winter, “There was never a point where I considered a worthless creature such as yourself my child.”_

_Tears spilled over from Eldiana’s eyes. She truly was an heir to a throne of nothing._

My eyes shoot open. Why am I thinking about that trashy fanfiction now of all times? Probably because we share the same name, but still. I was not reborn into a bad Legend of Zelda fanfiction. This was real life. Stuff like that didn't just... _happen_.

“Oh, Princess, are you finally awake?” A familiar voice pulls me from my disgruntled thoughts. My attendant, Maya. It hits me again, the similarities from that trashy fanfiction and the reality of my life. _No_ , it has to be a coincidence, but I have a sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach about where and who I really am and I don’t like it.

Maya reaches into the crib, picks me up and gently rocks me. She’s a real beauty with scarlet red hair, tan skin, and emerald green eyes. She’s also got really noticeable cheekbones and her frame is sort of muscular, but what catches me most is the eyeliner. I didn’t expect nursemaids to have such great eyeliner, but I guess a woman’s make-up has to look great even in a fantasy world. To be honest though, I don’t know why a beauty like Maya would willingly give her best years to raise an abandoned Princess like me, “You’re probably hungry, right? Let’s get you a bottle and then I’ll read you a story.”

As far as I can tell, Maya is a kind-hearted and gentle soul. While the rest of the maids are too busy lining their pockets, Maya has been one caring for me this entire time. In this world, it’s unusual for a woman as young as Maya become a nursemaid. Usually, they spend some time traveling or in the military before settling down. According to some of the other maids though, she had begged my father to let her take care of me.

If I had actually had the mind of a child it might have been touching. However, to be honest, I can’t help but feel a bit suspicious. After all, usually in these types of situations, there’s always an ulterior motive, right? Something, something, court politics, right? Although, to be fair, getting close to me is probably a wash since my father wants nothing to do with me.

I coo gently as she hands me the bottle. I hated milk in my previous life, but I’ve surprisingly grown a taste for it here. Maybe it’s cause it’s fresher? The nightmare I had has made me surprisingly hungry so I quickly gulp down the milk, even Maya’s surprised. After I’m burped and changed, Maya settles down into a rocking chair in front of a fireplace.

My eyes are immediately drawn to the gold leaf on the fireplace. Although, it’s peeling in places. No doubt where the other maids have been robbing the palace blind. I guess because they think I’m an abandoned princess they can line their own pockets. Greedy wenches.

“Now, which story are we on...Ah, I know, why don’t we read this one?” Maya turns to a page and I see familiar looking illustrations line the page. They’re dressed differently, but there’s no doubt in my mind… That’s…

_Ghirahim... and **Ganondorf?!**_

My stomach sinks even further. That premonition I had looms over my head. I flail helplessly and smack the picture of Ganondorf. Maya laughs, “Oh, do you know who that is, Princess?”

_Of course, I know who it is! That’s Ganondorf! The incarnation of the hatred of Demise, the Demon King! He fought a bloody war over the Triforce with the Goddess Hylia! How dare you ask me who the main antagonist of the Zelda series is, Maya!_

“That’s Ganondorf Dragmire Hyruliana. The current king of Hyrule, and your father.”

 ** _“WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!”_** I let out a screech. Maya squeaks in surprise and begins to rock me, and check if I’ve soiled myself.

[ ](https://www.flickr.com/photos/163424191@N04/47634898742/in/album-72157680047044048/)

 

_Not only did I **die,** but I’ve been reborn into a trashy Legend of Zelda fanfiction! **What kind of fucking karmic retribution is this?!**_


	2. 'Like a Desert Rose'?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, the inspiration for this fun little AU is "Who made me a Princess" on tapptoons. I definitely suggest you go give it a read. 
> 
> Our narrator is not a self-insert, but as I stated before in Prologue 1, she's based on some of the experiences and traits I've seen while interacting in the Legend of Zelda fandom. I thought it would be fun to just make her very passionate about the series and that's why being reborn into an AU is so disappointing for her. Haha.

_‘Like a Desert Rose’_ was a popular, alternative universe fanfiction in the _Legend of Zelda_ fandom in my past life. I didn’t particularly like it, but I guess it had its merits. The idea was, at the very least, unique. However, I fancy myself a bit of a Legend of Zelda connoisseur, and I just didn’t like the whole concept of Zelda and Ganondorf being related I have gotten into many an internet squabble with fans of the story about how much I hated that whole ‘Ganondad’ trope.

Thinking back, if I had known how this was how things were going to turn out I would have spent less time arguing over Legend of Zelda discourse and doing something productive.

Like going down to the local shelter and petting every single cat in that place.

Anyway, if I recall the story correctly, there are two main princesses in the story. The protagonist, is, of course, a girl named Zelda who is being raised in secret by one of the noble houses. She’s a kind yet cunning girl, and when it is revealed that she is Ganondorf’s daughter-- her quick wits and amicable demeanor win Ganondorf’s favor.

 

[ ](https://www.flickr.com/photos/163424191@N04/40795520743/in/dateposted-public/)

 

The other princess is a girl by the name of Eldiana. Eldiana wasn’t a bad character, but the focus was on Zelda so she wasn’t very memorable. She was the daughter of a dancer from a far off land. The story said that she’d seduced that king to bear his child, but died in childbirth, and because Ganondorf had no use for a child… he abandoned Eldiana to be raised by the maids.

Perhaps because of this Eldiana becomes a rather plain girl. She didn’t have the Triforce of Wisdom to make her stand out, or plot convenience after plot convenience to make Ganondorf like her. However, Ganondorf and Eldiana’s path does eventually cross, and that sets Eldiana on a path to destruction. Eldiana wanted nothing more than to be acknowledged by her father, so when the infamous cycle kicks in and Ganondorf becomes a ruthless tyrant that Link must stop…

Eldiana sides with her father, while Zelda, flees the castle and stages a rebellion.

This infuriates Ganondorf and only amplifies his destructive tendencies. Ultimately, in their final hour, Ganondorf decides to use black magic on Eldiana to turn her into a monster that both Zelda and Link must fight. Her dying moments are spent telling Zelda not to blame herself for their father’s sins. Zelda uses this as the motivation to overthrow her father with Link.

Ganondorf dies, Hyrule is saved, and Zelda becomes the Queen of Hyrule with Link by her side. They get married in the epilogue or something, but I never read the epilogue. The whole bullshit with Eldiana pissed me off. Eldiana wasn’t a bad girl and didn’t deserve to die. Actually, no, the whole story pissed me off because of how much it twisted the lore to serve its purposes!

But, while I hated the fanfiction in my past life, I guess I still have a reason to care about Eldiana…

I let out another distraught sob as Maya continues to rock me to try and get me to settle down. She’s not sure why I’m fussing, but if only I could tell her what hell I’ve been born into.

**_Because I’m Princess Eldiana from that fucking fanfiction!_ **

**“UWAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!”** I let out another desperate shriek. I’m inconsolable. In my past life, I would have loved to have been born in a universe where the Legend of Zelda series was real, but this is not what I meant! I don’t know what kind of weird fucking higher power is out there laughing at me, but just know I absolutely hate you!

“Oh dear, Princess,” Maya hummed while gently rocking me, “Are you not feeling well? Was the milk too warm or too cold? Maybe you’re too hot?” Maya murmurs. I scream even louder knowing what will happen to Maya-- this sweet and innocent soul!!

Maya was a minor background character in the original fiction, and she’s killed off as part of Ganondorf’s bid to break Eldiana’s mind to make her a monster. Since Maya was Eldiana’s pseudo-mother… It was just enough to get her to cave to dark magic. It’s her death that ultimately spells Eldiana’s demise.

  
_Maya, you need to leave me and get out of this castle. Run as far away as you can and don’t look back! When I’m old enough, I’ll join you!_

 

I continue to scream for another five or ten minutes despite Maya’s best efforts. Eventually, however, I tired myself out. Being a baby is such a hassle. I can’t even yell about my own demise for as long as I want to.

Maya continues to rock me until I fall into a (thankfully) dreamless slumber. However, my next few days are spent with a dark cloud hanging over my head. What’s the point in being given a new lease on life after being murdered if I’m just gonna be used as… ** _Character development fodder!_ _Agh!!_**

I don’t know how much of my fate is going to be dictated by the original story, or if I can deviate from the author’s plans but I’ve got to try. I find myself staring up at the ceiling and brooding about my situation. The etchings in the ceiling about the Sealing War seem to dance between the tiles I’ve been focused on the ceiling for so long.

If I’m going to be forced to live this development fodder characters life… then like hell I’ll go peacefully into the night! If Ganondorf kills Eldiana in the original fiction then instead of siding with him I’ll go with Zelda! I’d prefer being on a badass team of revolutionary princesses than bothering trying to win the affection of a father who never cared in the first place.

Feeling my vigor renewed I decided to make a few rules for myself.

 

**1\. Avoid interacting with Ganondorf at any cost. Eldiana originally meets her father by chance when she’s ten. I will avoid any and all situations that could give Ganondorf a chance to remember my existence.**  
**2\. When Ganondorf becomes an evil tyrant because of the cycle-- I will flee the palace, side with Zelda, and become a badass revolutionary princess.**  
**3\. To prepare for this, I will do any type of training magical or otherwise to accomplish this. Also, I’m gonna start hoarding stuff. This palace may be ramshackle, but it still has some stuff I can steal**  
**4\. Take Maya with me so she doesn’t die.**

 

“Hell, maybe I’ll just become such a badass mage I’ll kick Ganondorf’s ass myself. Brilliant. That’s the backup plan. Watch out Ganondorf, Eldiana is coming for you!!” I think to myself triumphantly all while imagining plunging a sword through his chest, “No matter what life I live, stopping Ganondorf’s evil plans are always satisfying.”

I outstretch my hands towards the ceiling again. It didn’t occur to me when I first woke up in this body, but if Ganondorf’s my dad… Then I’m at least half-Gerudo, huh? It’s strange. The original series always had the Gerudo and Hylians living separate lives, but from what I’ve seen in this world… they live together. In fact, now that I think about it… Maya’s familiar Amazonian-like features make more sense now… She’s a Gerudo.

“Does that mean there are other races living in the palace too?” I think to myself. If there are, I have yet to see them. Although, I suppose it would be odd to see a Zora or a Goron out of their natural element. Oh, maybe I’ll get to see a Rito too! That’d be fun!

In fact, while I may have been reborn into a trashy fanfiction version of the _Legend of Zelda_ … this is still the _Legend of Zelda_ , right? If I manage to escape this prison of a castle I could meet Zelda and Link! Oh! That would be so much fun! Link in the fiction was the heir to the noble household taking care of Zelda. Naturally, because the two grow up together, they end up together, which I didn’t mind.

I was too busy being mad about Eldiana’s meaningless death.

Agh, I get to meet all the character’s I looked up to as a kid, but instead of being some cool side character in a canon game I’m just plot development fodder in a cheap fanfiction. Ugh, thinking about it pisses me off. I don't know what kind of sick joke the God(ddesses?) are playing on me, but I absolutely will _not_ stand for it.

I slam the golden rattle down onto the floor. The first thing I need to do is get control of my fucking motor skills. I need to learn to walk, talk, and be potty trained. Then I can just… run away from this place. Run far away and never look back **or** stab Ganondorf in his stupid fucking face.

Eldiana’s tragedy comes to an apex when she’s eighteen. I can do that. I can make it to 18 without causing too many waves and if I steal and hoard some of the treasure from the castle for 18 years I’ll definitely be able to make it out alive.

 _But first_ , I try and lift my body up once more, _I’ve gotta learn to sit up._


	3. Garden Expedition

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I can finally walk around the palace, and that means it's time to start stealing sparklies. However, my expedition into the gardens takes an unexpected turn?!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No illustration for this chapter. I had really bad art block and was having trouble coming up with ideas. Shouldn't be too much of a problem for the next chapter though!! 
> 
> As always, this fic is inspired by "Who made me a Princess" on tappytoons. If you like this you should go give it a read!

Time had flowed more quickly than I'd imagined. The first couple of months were a drag because the only thing I could do was lay on my back and be babied by Maya or the other maids, but once I learned to walk the world was suddenly a lot bigger.

Initially, I spent a lot of the time harassing the maids for being really shit caretakers, but I soon realized if I was ever going to make it out of this place alive, I was going to need their help. After all, it was the maids that usually had the latest gossip about the goings on in the other palace. If I could be sneaky and listen to what they were saving, I would be able to skillfully be able to dodge Ganondorf or any other character who might spell my demise.

So, I often acted needlessly cute. I'd beg them for sweets, cling to their skirts, and even follow them around like a baby chick! They were initially cold at first, but it didn't take long to be won over by my charms. There's nothing more persuasive than my smile! Well, at this age anyway.

As I wandered past one of the mirrors in the hall of the palace, I could help but stop and stare. My reflection always catches my eye nowadays. Maybe that sounds a bit narcissistic, but I was a bit of a plain looking person in my last life, but now… I'm definitely cute for a three year old. As far as I can tell, I have the standard features of a growing Gerudo child, the sparkling red hair, the tan skin, and my ears are even pointed! The maids have pointed out that I'm a bit less muscular than a standard Gerudo for my age, but they say I get that from my mother. My mother was a dancer from Holodrom and not actually a Gerudo woman.

So I guess that just makes me half Gerudo. Although, the maids also say I'm also more or less the spitting image of my mother minus the eyes. Apparently, I get these golden colored eyes from Ganondorf. That pisses me off, and if I wasn't absolutely sure I don't want to lose my eyesight I would have gauged them out. I don't want anything of Ganondorf to show on me.

My eyes scan the mirror up and down trying to push the thought from my mind and instead think about something more pleasant- like the mystery woman that is my mother. From what I remember of the original fanfiction, Eldiana's mother was meant to be some alternate universe version of Din from Oracle of Seasons. Which makes sense, considering Eldiana's name is a reference to Eldin. However, the fiction itself never went into explicit detail about what Din would have looked like in the verse, so I have no real frame of reference.

All anyone ever says is that she was a fiery beauty.

Come to think of it. Didn't she supposedly seduce Ganondorf?  _ **Who the hell would ever willingly seduce Ganondorf?**_  If I didn't have the mind of an adult I might have actually bought all the stories Maya told me about Din and Ganondorf's relationship.

But at the end of the day… I wasn't about to start looking at things with rose-colored glasses. I don't have the luxury of doing that. After all, I've got 15 years to steal enough to get Maya and out of this hell castle and ultimately save our lives.

That's why, as soon as I could walk, I've been taking anything and stowing it away in my special treasure chest! Man, despite being a ramshackle castle, there's a lot of gold and jewels laying around. No wonder the servants liked to snatch stuff. I'd be doing it too with how unguarded everything is.

I turned away from the dusty old mirror and towards the old treasure box I'd conveniently found in one of the old storage rooms one day. I begged Maya to let me have it as a toy box, and she was initially skeptical, but I won her over. Maya can't say no to me.

And so I've been storing everything I take in there, and then I hide it under all the toys. Unfortunately, this means I have to be really anal retentive about cleaning up my toys so Maya doesn't accidentally find it while she's cleaning, but now the maids just think I'm a good girl. It somehow worked out in my favor. Gently, I crack open the chest and eye all the goodies I'd pilfered.

How many rupees would all these pretty jewels get me? Probably at least a gold rupee or two! Although, I imagine there are lots of other pretty sparklies to pilfer if I can manage to sneak out at nap time today.

I've finally managed to nail down Maya's schedule to an art. It took a few weeks of sneaking and following her around, but I now have very detailed notes on what she does while I'm napping, so if I manage my time well…

I can totally sneak out and steal stuff while she's not looking! And today is the day all my diligence is going to pay off. I can finally step outside this ramshackle castle and go treasure hunting. I've got a schedule and everything!

I turn my gaze out the window towards one of the palace gardens. In the distance, I can very distantly see statues made of solid gold. If I can just take a little bit of that… I'd be set. I'll have about an hour and a half before Maya comes to check on me, so I've gotta make this excursion count

It's only after running over the details over twice over did I realize that I never put this much thought into anything in my previous life- not school, not any hobbies, not even any relationships I had. That's… kind of sad. Although, I guess I'm the only one who'd ever know how pathetic I actually was in my past life.

Well, reincarnation was a chance to remake me into someone halfway decent, or at the very least not be fucking murdered again. Although, given my current circumstances, my situation doesn't look good. Agh. I mulled over it for a bit until I was sure that Maya was in the kitchen preparing lunch for me. She'd be cooking for a while, then she'd do some cleaning, and then she'd come to wake me up. This routine was clockwork for Maya and had I had the mind of a child it might have been a good thing. Unfortunately for Maya, I'm a little bit old on the inside, and so…

_**I must go steal my precious, precious sparklies!** _

I hopped out of bed and darted for the door. When I first started sneaking out I'd gotten lost within the palace a few times, but after a few runarounds, I at least knew the general layout. There were a few things places in the castle that were still mystery's to me, but honestly, I'd probably figure it out the older I got, so it didn't bother me that much. What was a bigger mystery was the wider world around me. I heard bits and pieces from the maids, but never enough to really get a good picture of this version of Hyrule. The original fanfiction never really went into too much detail about what this alternate version of Hyrule was like, although because Ganondorf is the King I would imagine Hyrule isn't in… great shape.

I darted down the hallway as quietly as possible. Luckily, that wasn't too hard. Most of the palace floor seemed to be paved out of some type of stone brick so sneaking on it wasn't too noisy an endeavor.

I almost ran into a few maids, but I had put a lot of work into my plan, so I'd found some pretty good hiding spots. The maids were always too wrapped up in their duties to really notice me usually, which was as much a blessing as it was a nuisance. They'd actively stopped hating my existence and being ignored had its perks, but when I really needed their attention they were nowhere to be found. Of course, this was excluding Maya. Maya was always a great nanny.

Ducking past another maid, I quietly opened a door, and darted down a long spiral staircase. It wouldn't be long now. If I made my calculations correctly, Maya would be in the kitchen focusing on lunch and I could date right by without her ever noticing I'm gone.

Once I'd reached the ground level, I quietly peeked into the kitchen. As expected, Maya had her back to me and was chopping vegetables. I could smell the faint and familiar smell of curry which delighted me. Lunch was going to be delicious, and I can already feel my stomach growling. I ducked back behind the wall, making sure none of the other maids were around and made my way for the back entrance.

This is where things got a bit difficult. I have never actually stepped outside the palace before, minus the occasional walk with Maya when I was younger, so I don't really know where to start looking. I wander down the first path I see for a bit. Judging by all the variations of flowers I've stumbled onto one of the Royal Palace's many gardens. I know for certain the palace I'm living in isn't the only palace within in the immediate area. There are a few within the grand estate and the garden serves as a central meeting point for all of the palaces.

And I'm willing to be that the other palaces aren't nearly as ramshackle as mine is. So, with that knowledge, I could probably go in any direction except the one I came from and find a palace to steal from. Therefore… I choose…..

_"North. Let's go north."_

The castle in the north always seemed extravagant from what little I had seen of it. Surely there were plenty of sparklies to take from that castle. I darted down the cobblestone path and found myself quickly overwhelmed by just how expensive things were beginning to look.

By the time I had passed the outskirts I had passed no less than two opulent rose gardens. They were well tended to. A far cry from the meager gardens of the palace I was staying at. I stopped briefly to take a sniff of the fragrant flowers. The scent tickled my nose a bit, but I found myself briefly reaching up to pick one of the flowers. In my old life, I never really stopped to smell the roses… metaphorically  _ **or**_  literally. Had I realized how beautiful small things like this were in my previous life, I may have stopped to enjoy them a bit more.

Although, one could argue I only stop to enjoy these things now because I lost my previous life and now wanted to take a moment to enjoy things. I… also don't have video games or the internet to distract me anymore-  _ **I actually have to go outside!**_  My past self would have hissed and crawled into my bed at such a reality, but having been trapped in a crib for years because you can't move and you remember every excruciating detail of it…

I just began to appreciate the outdoors a lot more after that.

I carefully plucked the rose. It would make a good gift for one of the maids. I wish I could give it to Maya, but she'd wonder where I got it. Better safe than sorry. My business done in the outer gardens, I quickly made my way to the inner gardens. That's where all the goodies would be.

I noticed something about these fancy gardens… They always kept their expensive statues in the inner gardens while the outer gardens were reserved for things like flowers and junk. While there were flowers in the inner gardens, they were usually exotic. Whoever owned these gardens must really be into exotic flowers.

Almost as if on cue, as soon as I stepped into the inner gardens my eyes were drawn to a statue of a figure I didn't immediately recognize- what I did recognize is that it was  _ **solid gold**_ … or at the very least, gold plated.

My heart thumped in my chest and I practically drooled. I'd never seen anything like this in my past life and now I was surrounded by all this stuff.

_Whelp, time to get to work._

I reached into the bag I'd brought with me and took out a small dagger. I had taken it out of one of the old store closets one day. It was nothing more than a rusty, old dagger, but it was extremely useful for popping gems off of statues.

I'd spotted some gems at the top of this statue so that means I would have to scale it to get to the jewels.

_"Tch, why did all the good loot have to be so hard to get?! Whatever, my life depends on this. Literally."_

I scaled the statue with relative ease, however, as I was prying gems out of the statue and thinking about their value a voice startled me from behind.

"Just  _ **what**_ … is this little bug doing in my garden?" A voice hissed out. It's tone low and menacing, I turned around to see it's origins and my blood ran cold at the sight of a somewhat familiar visage. I had played enough Legend of Zelda to know that form.

That fiery red hair and those golden eyes could only belong to one person: the Demon King- and, by some unfortunate stroke of fate, my father-…

_**Ganondorf.** _


	4. Nice to meet you, Dad?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In my hurry to hoard my precious sparklies, I run into my infamous father! What will become of our unexpected meeting?!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: I apologize for the long hiatus. In truth, this has been sitting in the doc file for awhile, but I've been having some health issues so it got shuffled into the back burner. Additionally, during the summer I tend to focus less on my creative projects. In any case, I'm back! Here's chapter 4! Thank you so much for all the kudos in my absence. Your support is very much appreciated! <3 Hopefully, I'll have illustrations for the next chapter!

I was frozen in the spot. I didn’t know what to do. It turns out that no matter how many times I imagined throat punching my father, I couldn’t do that now that he was standing right in front of me. In the games… Ganondorf was just never intimidating to me past the age of ten. However, having the real deal stand in front of me-- his presence was overwhelming.

“U...uhm...” I stammered out, trying to hide the gems I’d snatched already from him. What was the price of an unwanted princess stealing gems from the king’s gardens? Death probably. Well, I was probably going to die anyway, but I didn’t think me trying to _not die_ would _speed up_ the process of me dying!

After staring me up and down for what seemed like an eternity, Ganondorf approached me. In my terror, I tried to step back without realizing I’d been death clinging to this statue and I felt myself beginning to fall. A screech erupted from me, but I’m not quite sure if it was because I was falling or if it was because Ganondorf was approaching me. Quickly I shut my eyes waiting for imminent impact with the concrete, but it just never came. Instead, I felt the fabric around my neck constrict.

Did I really want to open my eyes? I don’t think I did. However, slowly I peeked one eye open and saw the reason why I hadn’t smashed my head into the concrete. Ganondorf had grabbed me by the scruff of my collar and was holding me up. Even in this life, he was a tall imposing beat of a figure. He had to have been at least 6 feet tall. And the way he held me with relative ease meant he was **_definitely_** more muscular than what his figure portrayed. Again, he stared at me, although he didn’t seem too concerned with the gems that had scattered across the ground when I had lost my balance. Instead, it seemed like his eyes were focused on the flower I’d pinned to my dress to take back to one of the maids.

“You have my eyes,” He remarked simply.

“ _Well duh it’s cause I’m your daughter, you fucking dumbass!”_ I screech internally, but instead of yelling out my internal thoughts I just flashed him a nervous smile. It was better for me to stay silent than saying something I’d regret.

“It was that dancer from Holodrum, wasn’t it? What was her name again?” His face scrunches for a moment as he seems to struggle to remember the name of my mother. In truth, I knew my mother’s name was Din because I read the fanfiction, but Eldiana in the story had no knowledge of her mother. So again, I tilt my head, feigning curiosity. In truth, I’m **furious**. Does this guy really have so many girlfriends he can’t remember Din’s name? Was she really so fucking insignificant?

_**Daddy, you're an asshole.** _

“Ah…. I remember now. Her name was Din. And I believe I remember what that dancer named you… Eldiana was it?” He asked.

_Wait, was this guy… actually… asking about my name?_

There’s a long pause as I try to find the words that have utterly died in my throat. I had rehearsed telling him off so many times and yet when he’s standing right in front of me… I just stare back at him like an idiot. It takes a moment before I finally find the words that I thought I'd lost, “Eldiana is my name… yeah,” My voice is barely above a squeak. A terrifying smirk crosses Ganondorf’s face. He seems… _amused_ by something? I feel like he’s a cat sizing up a small mouse to catch.

_Urgh, this isn’t good._

I try to squirm and get out of his grasp, but the only thing that does is make me choke on my collar. I’m like a fly caught in a sticky trap.

_I’m gonna fucking die. **Great**._

“ **Ghirahim--”** Ganondorf’s voice is low and commanding. My heart drops into my stomach. In a flash of diamonds, a very familiar sword spirit appears. Had Ghirahim been watching the whole time? However, before I can really comprehend what’s going on, Ganondorf tosses me at Ghirahim who scrambles to catch me.

“ _Master?”_ The sword spirit seems baffled to suddenly be carrying a small child. I do my best to hold back a shriek of surprise. However, Ghirahim can clearly see I am uncomfortable. A flicker of annoyance passes through his eyes, but it vanishes just as quickly as it appeared.

“Take her back to her palace. She’s not supposed to be out here,” Ganondorf turns and I watch his retreating form. I’m… unsure how I should feel. I did just meet Ganondorf-- who was Eldiana’s murderer in the original fanfiction, but he did not… kill me… which is a net benefit, I think?

The person, or rather, the _spirit_ holding me is another matter entirely though. As soon as Ganondorf is out of earshot, Ghirahim’s baffled face turns into a frown.

“As happy as I am to serve my Master, I did not agree to be a babysitter. Especially not for some brat like you,” He hisses out as he drops me to the ground. I let out a squeak as I hit the concrete. Goddesses above, these fuckers are so **bad** at handling children! I’m not something you can chuck around like a football!

Ghirahim flicked a misplaced hair out of his face before glaring back down at me. Again, I had rehearsed calling him a pompous ass so many times in my head, but the words die in my throat. I can only stare nervously up at him.

However, the longer he stares at me, the more his face scrunches up in confusion, _“You….”_

_“ ‘You…’ what, fucker? In 15 years I am going to personally kick your ass--”_ I think bitterly to myself, but not even I can deny that I’m trembling.

Suddenly, a smirk crosses his face. What is it with bad guys and amused smirks?! _Fuck off and just come out and say what you’re thinking, asshole!_

“...You’ve got quite a fire in your soul for someone so small and who is trembling like a leaf,” He chuckles, but I’m just left confused. What does that even mean? However, Ghirahim doesn’t elaborate any further and just gestures me to follow him.

A sigh tumbles out of me as I am forcibly escorted back to my palace.

The maids were in utter hysterics when we returned. Maya looked like she was on the verge of tears, but also on the verge of cutting someone. Much of their ire was redirected toward Ghirahim who had to explain the situation to avoid Maya’s wrath Although, to be honest, I would have **loved** to see Maya put Ghirahim in his place. I didn’t like his character in the original game, and it seems he was no less of a pompous ass in this world. Once Ghirahim explained the situation though, I was in _**massive**_ trouble. I got a very long lecture about the dangers of wandering around the palace alone without saying anything to anyone.

Maya didn’t let me out of her sight for the rest of the evening, and I was sent to bed straight after dinner without dessert, which was fine. In my current state, I wasn’t really in the mood for chocolate anyway.

My mind kept playing over the events of the day and the more I thought about it, the more frustrated I became. The plan to avoid Ganondorf altogether had been ruined! I thought I was safe from his terrifying gaze for at least another few years, but…

_**Wait…** _

It suddenly hit me. If I met Ganondorf _today_ , years before the original Eldiana met Ganondorf… Does this mean that this world isn’t following the fanfiction in broad strokes? I mean, that seems fairly obvious in hindsight, but… Maybe I still had a chance to change this wretched fate of mine?

I settle down in my bed going over everything I remembered of the original fanfiction. Eldiana never had much of a chance to interact with Ganondorf. She was a side character who was passive at best. Perhaps my insistence to not die had changed the story’s course? Was that _**possible**_? Could I… _rewrite_ the story? The more I thought about it the more my head began to spin.

Perhaps I **COULD** interact with Ganondorf without it leading to my death, and maybe my fate wasn’t so cut and dry after all. After all, this world wasn’t just a fanfiction anymore-- _it was real life now_. I had been thinking about things in such a black and white way, but real life _isn’t_ like fanfiction. I would have time to come up with a new plan tomorrow, but for now, I felt myself drifting off to sleep. Tomorrow was a new day, and a new opportunity to plan my escape from this castle.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After the fiasco of the previous day, I have to sit down and reassess my situation. My head is spinning.

**Chapter 5:A Change in Plans.**

I awoke to sunlight streaming through my window the next morning. Judging by the position of the sun, I'd woken up much early than usual. I also felt more rested and ready to take on the day. I couldn't be sure of whether or not it was because of the excitement of yesterday's encounter or if it was my renewed determination to escape dying at 18- either way I felt motivated.

I hopped out of bed and wandered over to my toy chest. In truth, I didn't use it much. It might have been fun had I not had the mental maturity of someone that was 21, but I did have a few sketchbooks stored in here. One of the maids had given them to me to practice drawing with. Of course, I filled them with bad, childish scribbles and then shuffled them away, but I guess I was lucky I'd kept them along with a few of the crayons they'd given me.

I grabbed the sketchbooks from my toy chest and began ripping papers out one by one. I needed to gather my thoughts and writing them all down would help me figure out the best plan of attack. After yesterday's fiasco avoiding ever meeting Ganonondorf and sneaking out of the palace was out. However, if yesterday's fiasco taught me anything- it was that this world wasn't following the fanfiction it had been crafted from- at least not that I could tell.

Ganondorf, Maya, Ghirahim…. Even I weren't just set pieces in this world, and things could happen out of order and be  _ **changed.**_

The burning question in my head right now is whether or not my fate is something that is set in stone or is something that can be altered. Is Eldiana dying something that is an unavoidable tragedy or if I change the order around could I have a different outcome? I can't possibly know that without knowing the alternative timelines.

Although, since this is the world of Zelda, peering into another timeline might not be impossible... I hadn't exactly looked into whether or not things like timeshift stones existed yet. Note to self, learn to read so I can check on that. When I thought about it, my world right now was very small, but once I had access to books I could... actually... do more than just play around with Maya.

I scribbled my diagrams across several pieces of paper. One for possible plots, the other for possible actions- by the time I had everything organized and connected I felt like I was playing some long game of chess. It made my brain hurt. I stared at the pieces of paper with a deep frown etched into my face. If my ultimate goal was to survive then my best bet would still be to get out of the castle and away from Ganondorf. One thing is for certain in the world of  _The Legend of Zelda_ \- Ganondorf is  _ **always**_  evil or he always ends up  _ **being**_  evil.

The cycle of Hyrule's destruction is going to drag him down eventually, and I'm going to get caught up in that if I stay here. I've got 15 years before that becomes a problem. In the meantime…

I stare down at a paper with an idea I'd scribbled as an afterthought but was looking more and more possible, however, I was extremely unhappy about the development.

I had scribbled a bunch of alternative ways for me to escape Ganondorf's wrath onto a piece of paper. One of the most ridiculous plans: 'charm dad' was hastily written at the very bottom. 

  
[](https://www.flickr.com/photos/163424191@N04/48656125202/in/dateposted-public/)  


However, as quickly as I had thought of the idea I dismissed it. Even in my past life, I was an extremely unremarkable and unlikeable girl. The thought of somehow becoming "Daddy's Little Princess" was extremely off-putting. Add on the fact that my father is fucking  _ **Ganondorf**_  and that idea becomes even more unappealing. I only kept it on the table because if this is the world of _"Like a Desert Rose"_ then if I could get Ganondorf to take an interest in me in the same way he had taken an interest in Zelda... surviving in the palace would be a lot easier.

In the end, it wasn't as if Ganondorf had liked or even loved Zelda-- he had taken an interest in her because he saw she was _useful._ That's where Eldiana's path had gone so wrong-- she wanted to be _**loved**_ by her father, meanwhile, Zelda simply tried to make herself useful until she could escape. She knew Ganondorf was going to become a tyrant because she had the Triforce of Wisdom, but Eldiana... was just a little girl looking to be loved by her father.

The good news is: I'm not nearly as naive as Eldiana. Hesitantly, I scratched out the last option. I don't want to become Daddy's Little Princess-- Not if my father is a man like Ganondorf.

I planted my face against the floor and let out a loud groan. I'd been at this for so long and gotten no where. Maybe I was just thinking too small? After all, Eldiana may be a casualty, but it wasn't Eldiana he really wanted-- I could potentially had allies in this mess.

Snapping my head up, I turned my attention to the other piece of paper with two hastily scrambled names on it.

_''Link and Zelda''._

In the original fanfiction, Link and Zelda were technically enemies with Eldiana, and while they didn't want to kill her they had no choice. Ganondorf had turned her into a monster. I could… ally myself with them, but first I'd have to meet and befriend them, and with how isolated I am in the castle…

If that was an issue I could whine to Maya about wanting friends. If I remember correctly, Zelda's existence is a well guarded secret until she accidentally reveals herself when she's 14, and Link…. Was the son of one of the duke's that was close to the royal family. However, that means involving myself in political intrigue and I'm not nearly smart enough for that. Besides, I'm too young to ask for friends, I'd have to wait until I'm at least five. I'll keep it on the back burner for later though-- having allies could be a good thing. If the broad events of 'Like a Desert Rose' are set in stone, then it will be Link and Zelda to stage the uprising against Ganondorf and I should be there to back them up.

Although, Eldiana never had a chance to meet Link and only briefly met Zelda in the original fanfiction. The author made sure that Link and Zelda weren't attached to her so they could killer her without too much remorse. The reader was never meant to feel bad for Eldiana-- I just did because I hated bad writing. My eyes darted back to the paper I'd been holding and down to the plan I had hastily scratched out.

' _Charm dad'_

On the one hand, it had it's benefits. I wasn't so naive enough to believe my sweet and caring heart could suddenly change Ganondorf into being a good father, but it could give me a little bit more freedom in the castle. Moreover, it could give me access to things to help me learn about the world around me to formulate a proper plan of escape-- and again, I don't even have to really make sure he likes me... I just have to prove I'm useful. 

But how could I prove I was useful to Ganondorf? Moreover, I had to be just useful enough that he'd want to keep me around, but disposable enough to his plans that I could make an easy and traitorous get away-- so it would be a tense balancing act.  My mental debate with myself continued on for a good while until I heard the tapping of footsteps on the stone floor. That must be Maya coming to wake me up. Quickly, I gathered up my plans and shoved them under my bed. I doubt this world used English letters so Maya would just think them a bunch of scribbles, but the last thing I need is someone discovering my plans.

"Princess… It's time to wake— _ **oh!**_ " Maya stepped into the room and I could see the surprise plastered all over her face. It was rare for me to wake up so early, much less be up and playing by the time she got here, "If you were awake, Princess, you could have come got me," Maya approached and leaned down to my level.

"Hehehe…. Morning playtime… fun?" I stammered out. The unfortunate part of having my mental age be as old as it was meant that I had to basically learn the language all over, without any reference. I'm still fairly bad at speaking, but my comprehension has improved tremendously. It also made the idea that I was three years old more believable.

Maya gave a breezy laugh before plucking me up off the floor, "Well, I'm glad you had fun. It's time to eat now though."

With how cheery she was this morning, one would have never have guessed the terrifying lecture I got from her yesterday. I guess it just means she cares, but I really never want to be at the end of that kind of wrath again. Ugh.

Not only did meeting Ganondorf make me lose my precious sparklies, but I also lost dessert. He is just the absolute _ **bane**_  of my existence! My thoughts returned to my earlier argument of whether or not I should  _ **try**_  and get on Ganondorf's good side, and I frowned. Why should I get on the good side of someone who so far has done nothing but cause me pain?! I refuse! The large frown plastered all over my face didn't escape Maya's notice, "Princess is there something wrong? You've been very quiet since yesterday- you didn't even protest yesterday when I sent you to bed without dessert."

No matter how hard I tried, I just couldn't muster the energy to fake a smile and pretend I was okay. However, I didn't really have the language capabilities to explain to her my predicament. Moreover, she wouldn't believe me in the first place. The story sounds ridiculous-  _ **even to me**_! And I'm the one living it!. Instead, I try to think about how a three-year-old might respond in this situation- what a three-year-old Eldiana might do or say…

"The man from yesterday was scary..." I mutter out. I mean, technically, it wasn't a lie? Ganondorf was utterly terrifying, but the way I had to utter it like a distressed child- Wait, technically I was a distressed child? Agh, this predicament makes it so hard to keep straight what  _ **is**_  and _ **isn't**_  a lie!

Maya frowned, "Ah… You mean His Majesty? He has a bit of scary aura about him doesn't he?" Maya whispered. I return her comment with a small and timid nod. Underneath it all though, I was surprised.

Was Maya actually shit-talking Ganondorf with me? His daughter?  **Score!**  Maya, please never change. I will do my best to save you from Dad's wrath.

"I assure you though, His Majesty has a good heart. I'm sure once he gets to know you, Princess, he will be a loving and doting father!" She smiled. I nearly choked. Was she just saying that so she couldn't be charged with treason or did she actually mean it? Maya was Gerudo so she obviously held some affinity toward Ganondorf, right? The Gerudo, minus a few exceptions, were always extremely loyal to Ganondorf in the games. Maybe that was the case here? Maya had never gone into great depth about her opinions of Ganondorf spare a few comments here or there about what a good king he was.

And for obvious reasons, I never believed that. Ganondorf-  _ **the Ganondorf**_ \- a good king? Hah! If that's true I'd eat my shoe.

Maya sat me down at the table and handed me a bowl of what looked like some type of soup? I noticed fairly early on that there was little difference between the dishes of this world and the dishes of my previous life. Maya liked to make me vegetable omelets or curries for breakfast and I ate them all happily. It was pleasant surprise to find out that reincarnation hadn't changed my tastes too much either.

Minus one significant, or perhaps insignificant change...

_**I found myself particularly drawn fruit cakes now.** _

I hated them in my last life, but now? I asked for fruitcakes for dessert every night after dinner. I dunno why, I guess just because the fruit is fresher here they taste better?

I bit into the omelet. I could taste small hints of hearty radish and hyrulean herb in the mixture. It sounds odd at first, but I'd actually grown quite fond of the vegetables here. I did always think the foods in Breath of the Wild looked tasty… I never expected I'd be eating them one day though.

"Speaking of His Majesty, Princess," Maya's voice cuts through my thoughts of food. She placed a glass of fresh milk on the table and waits for me to reach for the milk before she continues, "His Majesty has requested that you join him for tea time today."

I  _ **immediately**_  spit the milk I'd been drinking out.

" _ **Oh dear!**_ Princess! Are you alright?! Agh, let me get a towel-" Maya steps away to retrieve a towel. However, I barely register her walking away. Any semblance of composure I had was gone.

I spent the rest of the morning in a weird haze. That seemed to be my life most of the time the past few days. I barely registered Maya dressing me in the finest dress I owned and escorting me to the main palace. Well, the garden of the main palace- really. It was the scent of roses that brought me back from my fugue-state. Unfortunately, Maya wasn't going to be my escort to the main palace.

Ghirahim was, and while Maya was reluctant to leave me in his care she had no choice. She was only a maid, and maids weren't allowed to enter the king's personal quarters for whatever reason. However, once Maya was out of sight, Ghirahim glared down at me. He'd done this before- back in the palace gardens. It was a distrustful glare that made my skin crawl.

I jumped when he spoke in his harsh and condescending tone, "Look, I don't know what you're getting at by pretending you're three years old, but you can't fool me. No three year old would have the hoard gems the way you do. Not unless the maids raised a little thief- in that case, we should be cutting off their hands right now," He leered. I swallowed nervously. I really was 3 years old though. I had lived every part of it in excruciating detail, "Your body may be young, but your mind is not, and I'd appreciate it if we just dropped the formalities, you little monster."

"Huh?" Was my first response. A screech was my second. Did Ghirahim really know that I was older than I looked?! Oh no.

"I don't know what your plan is, but if you so much as lay a malicious finger on my master- I **_will_** kill you, Eldiana. Are. We. **Clear?** " Ghirahim leered. He had leaned down to be extra frightening and I was some where between shock, horror, fear, and maybe a little bit of hope?

But that could also have been breakfast.  
I felt a burning sensation in the back of my throat.

**_Nope that was definitely breakfast._ **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: This was a bit of a transitional chapter! Still I hope you enjoyed it! Poor Eldiana it's just one thing after another. I've gotten some criticism privately about how it's too similar to the original work, so I've been working hard to make it different. Unfortunately, we're still fairly early in and I do have to set things up. The plan is very clearly to bring more Zelda stuff into the world! Our MC is still fairly young right now so her world is still small and secluded, but it won't always be that way.
> 
> I do want to thank those that have given me some constructive criticism privately though! I'm always open to it because I feel like it helps me improve on things in the story. This is still a heavily inspired AU and I encourage people to go read the original work, but I am doing my best to deviate from the original! I've also gotten into screen toning in CSP. It's quicker, easier, and a lot more fun for me so I might stick with that for my illustrations for now (unless I really feel like coloring something.)


End file.
